


One day at a time

by Hyx_Sydin



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Alternate Universe, Developing Relationship, F/M, First Meetings, M/M, other things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-15
Updated: 2014-02-05
Packaged: 2018-01-08 21:24:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 12,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1137552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hyx_Sydin/pseuds/Hyx_Sydin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A chance meeting changes their lives!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> ^_^ How cliche is that summary! 
> 
> I haven't given the story much thought (just made the title up) so the tags, rating and summary will change with time and chapters.

Walking down the street, wrapped up warm against the impending rain storm, I breathed deep enjoying the freshness of the air; a rarity in this busy city. A strong gust of wind tugs at the scarf around my neck and I hunch further in my coat, hands deep in my pockets. It’s then that I hear an exclamation of surprise followed immediately by angry mutterings from behind. Turning around I watch as a guy in a tweed jacket, patches at the elbows, scrambles around trying to grab the pages swirling about him in the wind. A gust blows towards me, carrying with it some of his wayward documents, and almost without thinking I rush forward, grabbing them up quickly. A quick look around confirms I’ve caught them all, so I head towards him to return the pages to their rightful owner. He seems to have retrieved the rest of his documents and is now trying to stuff them into the folder they were in originally, without damaging them or losing them to the wind once again. Glancing down at the documents in my hand, I realise they’re covered in equations, doodles of the atomic compositions of different compounds, notes in an indecipherable scrawl and a few of them have either coffee or tea stains as well. By this time I’ve reached the other man’s side; he is the slightest bit shorter than I am but that could be due to my hair, he is a lot broader in shoulder and chest, his hair is thinning and receding, and he seems soft and fleshy. He glances up from his task at me and I find myself looking into really blue eyes set above a very distinctive mouth. 

“Uhh thanks . . . for uhm . . . these!” He says as he grabs the pages from my hands and quickly stuffs them into the folder. It’s like he doesn’t have any lips, just a dash for a mouth, a very sad looking dash it is; as if he doesn’t know how to use it to express positive emotions.

“No problem.” I respond, lifting my right hand to rub at the back of my neck before shoving them both into my pockets again. Besides the brown tweed jacket with brown leather elbow patches, he’s wearing brown shoes, trousers and shirt as well as a deep brown, almost chocolate, tie to round off the look. While we stand awkwardly it starts raining and he immediately scrambles into what little protection a nearby doorway offers while trying to shove the messy folder into the satchel I didn’t notice he was carrying.

“How bout we head inside; you can neaten your folder and I’ll buy us coffee?” I offer, gesturing at the café whose doorway he was standing in. I could feel the rain plastering my head to my head before trailing down my neck, through my scarf and under the collar of my shirt. He glanced up at me as if he’d forgotten I was there before darting a glance through the door into the café before nodding sharply and opening the door to head in. Following in after him, I headed towards the counter while he headed to a table. I ordered two black coffees and two doughnuts; he looked like someone who preferred their coffee black and strong as well as a lover of doughnuts. When our order was ready, I grabbed it and headed for the table for two in the corner where he was sitting, sorting out his papers and putting them into the proper order. Setting everything down, I took my seat while unbuttoning my coat and removing my scarf.

“I’m John by the way, John Sheppard.” I said as I offered him my hand. It took him a moment to realise I was waiting for a response before he glanced up, sighing before taking my hand in his, it was soft and fleshy, and shook it.

“Professor Rodney McKay.”


	2. Chapter 2

Professor Rodney McKay. He taught some kind of super advanced maths at the nearby university, as well as working on proving some kind of theory about space, time and the universe; so he was some kind of genius. 

He talked a lot once he got started, and fast like he didn’t need to breath, until his lungs failed him and he had to pause to gulp down a breathe before continuing. I hardly said anything, a few questions here or there, although the conversation lasted for nearly two hours until my phone rang. It was Dave, wondering if I was still coming over to his office so that we could head over to his house for the dinner I had been invited to. After the call, I made my apologies to Rodney but he just waved them off; saying he also had places to go, people to see. We said our goodbyes; him walking off down the street while I hailed a passing cab.

\---

That was three days ago and I could still remember the way his eyes lit up when he was speaking about his theorem. I had been wrong before, because his mouth definitely knew how to smile, even grin in happiness and excitement; and then there was the way it twisted in displeasure when he talked about his students’ attitude towards his subject that was equally as captivating as his smiles. 

Wanting to know more about him I decided to look him up on the internet: Professor Doctor Meredith Rodney McKay ( _Meredith! No wonder he went by Rodney; I couldn’t help but think, a grin splitting my face._ ); two Ph.D.’s: Astrophysics and Mechanical Engineering, as well as a degree in Physics. The man was undeniably a genius! He had a book, which I bought, and several papers published on various topics; all of which I tried reading but had to give up eventually when I found myself reading everything aloud, slowly, multiple times trying to understand. Eventually I realised I was obsessing about a man I had only spent two hours with and who had probably put me out of his mind the moment we parted in order to concentrate on his work.

\---

Three weeks after that day, I found myself on leave after flying a client from city to city for almost two weeks, and at a total loss as to what to do with all that free time. The weather was unseasonably hot and would continue being so for the rest of the week, so at least there was that. Normally I would spend time with Dave’s kids but they were off on some trip and wouldn’t be back for a few days but had made me pinkie swear that when they got back we would spend a day together. To pass some of the time, I decided to spring clean my apartment, which was when I found Rodney’s book, _Astrophysics Simplified_ , as well as all the printed copies of Rodney’s published papers. Papers in one hand, book in the other, I pondered their fate; should I keep them or should I donate the book and throw away the papers? It was then that I found myself closely studying the picture of the author on the back cover of the book. Rodney was wearing black shoes, suit and shirt with a deep blue tie to complement his eyes while leaning backwards against a desk, legs crossed at the ankles, while his arms were crossed and the book held to his chest by them with an arrogant look on his face – his whole bearing that of arrogance, superiority and smugness, totally different from the man I had met not too long ago. Checking the inside of the book, I saw that it had been published a few years ago, which made me wonder what had happened to the man to change him so much.

A few hours later and Rodney was still on my mind, so I picked up my laptop to find his email address on the university’s website before sending him an email asking him if he’d like to grab a coffee with me the day after tomorrow. If asked why I sent it, I wouldn’t know how to answer because honestly? I was hoping Rodney hadn’t forgotten that day, that the other man still thought about that day the way I did. And try as I might not to think it, I also hoped that he was struggling to keep me out of his thoughts, and off his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've got another chapter all written up but will only post it tomorrow ^_^ I still have no idea where this story is going, except I know it ends with them snuggled up with each other and Rodney's cat!


	3. Chapter 3

I had received a reply to my mail, sent in the early hours of the morning, and all it said was: **‘Sure.’**

And now here I sit, nervously playing with the coffee shop’s menu, waiting for the other man to show up. I’d chosen this coffee shop because it was opposite the private airfield where I worked and now sat at a table that afforded a great view of the planes and helicopters taking off. The tinkle of the bell above the shop’s door heralded the entrance of new customers, but when I glanced that way I was disappointed to see a group of young women walk through the door. So it came as a surprise when a shadow fell across my table and then Rodney sat down opposite me.

“Sorry I’m late, I’ve been working on my theorem this morning and I think I’m finally getting somewhere.” And just like that the conversation took off; he explained to me how he was trying to finish this stage of his work during the break, so that when the semester started again all he’d have to do was compile it into one whole document. By the time my phone rang we’d had several mugs of coffee each as well as something to eat.

“Do you have to go now?” he asked, after I’d put my cell away, not looking at me while fiddling with his mug.

“No, that was just a reminder. I was wondering,” and here I paused, unsure for the first time about my plans for the rest of the day. But looking at him, head cocked to the side, an eyebrow cocked, I couldn’t not finish. “Would you like to see where I work?”

Almost immediately his brow furrowed and his mouth twisted; I grinned at that look before pointing across the street at the airfield. As he turned to look, I waved at the waitress for the bill. “I should have known you’d have a crazy, ridiculous job!”

“Hey now! Being a pilot is neither crazy nor ridiculous! And what would give you that idea anyway? I could be an accountant for all you know.”

He scoffed at the idea of me being an accountant before replying, “Your hair.” It was said so matter of fact, as if it made perfect sense and yet, it didn’t!

“My hair?” I queried confusedly, reaching one hand up to pat at it. “What’s wrong with my hair?”

“It’s . . .” he flapped his hands at my head, face scrunched up, “it’s ridiculous is what it is! It defies the immutable laws of gravity!” At this he leaned closer to me and stared intently at my hair. “I don’t see any signs you have hair gel in it or that you use hair spray . . . so how does it stay up?”

Grinning at him, I led the way out of the shop, “This” I said, indicating my hair with a flourish, “is all natural!” He scoffed, muttering something about me being delusional if I was proud of the absurd thing I called hair.

\---

Walking through the door into the reception area, I caught sight of Evan Lorne, a friend and fellow pilot, checking the log book. “Shep!” he greeted, glancing up with a smile, “I see Chuck’s pencilled you in for Ursula; thought you had the week off?”

“Yeah, I’m on leave but Ursula is for a personal trip.” 

Breaking into a grin as he looked from me to Rodney, “Well, the weather’s great up there so I’m sure you’ll have a fun!” Winking, he headed off into the building.

“So,” I said, clapping my hands and rubbing them together, “time for the grand tour!” And not waiting for a response, I led the way further into the building and showed Rodney around. 

He asked questions throughout, some technical about the different aircrafts’ power output and how that correlated with their top speed, as well as personal ones about the different types of aircraft I could fly, the furthest I’ve flown, how long I’d been flying, etc. until we finally headed outside where one of the company’s tour helicopters was prepped and ready to go.

“Rodney, do you have someplace you gotta be anytime soon?” But even before I’d finished asking the question he was already shaking his head no.

“No, it’s just Bose and my theorem waiting for me at my apartment.”

“Bose?” I asked, heading towards the helicopter.

“She’s my cat.” He replied sheepishly, looking down at his shoes as he stuffed his hands in his pockets.

Grinning at the idea of Rodney with a cat, most probably named after the Boson particle, I placed my hand on the passenger door. “This is Ursula; you want to go for a quick trip?”

Rodney immediately stepped backwards, hands out of his pockets and held in front of him, heading shaking no, a horrified look on his face. “No no no no. I’m afraid of heights and that thing doesn’t look safe and you could’ve bought your license somewhere and there’s no way I’m flying anywhere when there’s the safety of the Earth beneath my feet, so why don’t you go on up and I’ll just stand here and watch? How does that sound to you because that sounds like an excellent plan to me. I should probably go anyway because I don’t think I put food out for Bose and she gets very cranky if she doesn’t–”

“Rodney!” I yelled, not for the first time, grabbing him by the shoulders and looking into his eyes until the gleam of crazy left them. “Ursula is perfectly safe; she’s only two years old and receives maintenance check-ups regularly. If you want I could get you her log book?” By this time his breathing had slowed, so I released his shoulders but kept my hands out in a non-threatening way. “If you want to verify my license, you can give the Air Force a call and ask them!”

“The Air Force? You were a– But then why are you– I don’t understand.” He finished, shoulders drooping and a confused look on his face, mouth pouting.

“Look,” I said, taking a chance he was too distracted to notice what was happening around him, as I led him to Ursula. “Why don’t you have a seat, close your eyes and just concentrate on your breathing? While you do that, I’ll explain everything, that sound fair to you?” By this time I had him seated in the helicopter and buckled in; closing the door I jogged round to the other side and climbed in next to him. 

Glancing at him, I noticed that he was looking around him in dread. “I can’t believe you are making me do this!”

“If you really didn’t want to Rodney, you would have gotten out already. Don’t worry, I’ll take good care of you, just close your eyes and enjoy the ride. Okay?” He was sitting rigidly in the seat, hands balled up into fists and eyes squeezed shut. Reaching across, I gave his hand a squeeze before starting the helicopter up and taking off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haven't read through it a second time, so please forgive me for any errors! Also, I haven't even started on the next chapter yet -_- but will soon hopefully!
> 
> Thank you for the lovely comments and to the people who have left me kudo's <3 it's nice to know people actually read what I write.


	4. Chapter 4

Watching Rodney now, you’d never say he was against the idea at the time. He was relaxed back in his seat after a delicious meal, grinning as he recounted the excitement of our helicopter trip with flailing arms, speaking a mile a minute. His eyes had been closed during lift-off but once I started naming the places we were flying over, he’d opened his eyes to look, all the while clutching at the handhold above his head tightly. When we’d finally returned to the airfield, he was no longer holding onto the handhold but talking with his hands once more about how he’s never realised how different the city looked from the sky.

Afterwards, not yet having had enough of Rodney’s company, I’d asked him if he’d like to get dinner together. The man had a healthy appetite, and a strange ‘allergy’ to citrus, but not even food kept him from speaking as he flitted from one subject to the next but always returning to the fact that he’d never been in a helicopter before, although he’d flown in commercial airplanes. Making a mental note to myself, I decided that I would try to take him up at least once a month. After the bill had been paid, we waited outside the restaurant for our cabs home.

“Thank you for today John,” he said; looking uncomfortable, “it was the most fun I’ve had in a long time.” The smile he flashed me was small and almost shy and I found myself smiling at him in return.

“I’m glad Rodney; you spend way too much time with knowledge and learning for it to be healthy. I’d say let’s do this again tomorrow but unfortunately I have plans and I’m back at work Sunday.”

“Sunday?”

“Yeah, I’m flying a client out, gonna be gone for two weeks.”

“Two weeks?” A cab pulled up beside us then and I opened the door for him while he looked off, eyes narrowed in concentration. “By the time you return, my classes would have restarted.”

I replied as he got into the cab, “Guess we’ll have to make plans when I get back.”

“Sure. Goodnight John, and thank you again.” Closing the door and rapping my knuckles on the roof, I stepped back as the cab drove off. I gave a short wave when I noticed he was looking out the back window and continued watching as it disappeared off into the distance, hands in my pockets until my cab pulled up.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first half of their correspondence while John is away! I haven't even started on the second half yet, so I have no clue when I'll post it.

Greetings John

Safe travels!

Kind regards  
Professor Rodney McKay

\---

Hey Rodney :)

Thanks! You would not believe how tiring it is to fly for 16 hours straight. We left at about two in the afternoon and until an hour ago, I had been sleeping since getting here; so now I’m wide awake with nothing much to do. At least I’m staying in a great hotel!

Are you up working on your theorem? I know you’re trying to finish it as soon as possible but you need to get some rest buddy. Maybe take Bose for a walk or something; just to get out.

Gotta go, room service is here!

PS Don’t you mean Professor Meredith Rodney McKay? ;)

\---

Greetings John

I hope this finds you well.

I am glad to hear you have arrived safely. Where exactly are you? And will you be flying your client from city to city, or remaining in the one city?

At the time I received your email, I was indeed working on my theorem. I have come to the conclusion that I will not be able to complete this part of my work before the semester starts, as I had not realised how much I still had to do. Despite this, I am determined to do as much as I can in the time I have.

I will not deem your comment about taking Bose for a ‘walk’ with a response!

How exactly do you know about my first name being Meredith?

Regards  
Professor Rodney McKay

\---

Listen Rodney, you don’t have to be so formal when you’re emailing me.

When I looked you up on the university’s website to get your email address, it had you listed by full name. Why don’t you like being called Meredith? It’s unique, like you! :D

I can’t really give out details about where I am but I can send you pictures; just don’t show anybody else. I found the purrfect gift for Bose! Still looking for something for you though :? You’re kinda difficult to shop for.

Fine, work on your theorem! Just remember to eat and sleep regularly. Don’t you have work to do to prepare for the new semester or something?

So like, how old were you exactly when you finished high school?

I’m off to take pictures of the city for you.

\---

I apologise for my formal responses to you, I thought it was only courteous to greet someone before and after responding to them. But, since you insist, I will no longer be doing so.

Meredith is a girl’s name! And I cannot fathom why my parents would name me that; it is not like it’s a family name, or that they mistakenly thought I was a girl, or they were naming me after someone! No one of consequence has ever been named Meredith; and if they had, they obviously choice to change their name to something more reasonable, like Rodney! I hate that name, and the only people who address me as such are my sister and parents.

Oh my god! Is your client a drug runner? Or a money launderer? Or maybe they are someone famous?!? You cannot tell me you cannot tell me something; that makes me want to know even more! Ugh I suppose I will have to wait for you to send pictures and then I will try to figure out exactly where you are. It is a pity I never learnt how to hack; I would use your emails to get a fix on your location and then I would know exactly where you are, and using those same hacking skills, I could hack the airfield’s network and find out who your client is . . . hmm, I wonder how long it would take me to learn how to hack.

Why are you even buying my cat and I gifts? Well, I can understand why you would buy Bose something, she is quite possibly the best cat on the planet, but you have not even met her yet!

I plan on going in to campus on Monday to set up everything for the new semester; I just hope I can get everything done in one day.

And as to high school, let me just say that I was younger than everyone else and leave it at that?

\---

Oh! I just remembered that you promised to tell me about your time in the Air Force! So, tell me!

\---

A person would think you’d be happy not to have to bother with social niceties since it just takes up of your valuable time, time which you could be spending perfecting your theory. Go back to greeting if you want, it’s not like I read them anyway.

Here’s an excerpt from Wikipedia about Meredith as a first name: ‘Until the 20th Century, the name was associated as a masculine name, as the meaning is “lord”.’ I also read somewhere that the first part of the name means ‘Great or Splendid’ whilst the second part means ‘Lord’. So basically your name is Welsh for Great Lord but since you don’t want to be called that, I guess you should remain an ‘island near the clearing’; which is the meaning of Rodney btw :D

I have attached the most obscure pictures, just to make it more fun for you to try to figure out where I am. Also, I know you wouldn’t take the time off working on your theorem just to learn how to hack in order to find where I am and who my client is. If that is not enough of a deterrent; I am sure you know that it is also illegal and if you get caught, you will be punished more severely than a mass murderer!

You’re my friend Roda’s Island, and friends by one another gifts should they travel to foreign countries, and since you love your cat so much and the gift really was purrfect for Bose, I bought it!

You know how you should start the semester off; give your students an assignment, one which they will have to work on throughout the semester as you cover the syllabus. I bet they’d love that! ;D

I bet your parents are proud, having a genius for a son! And why have you never mentioned having a sister before? Can I meet her?

\---

I’d kinda hoped you had forgotten about the Air Force thing.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted to fly but my Father had other plans for me, plans which resulted in me running the family company. My great grandfather started the company all those years ago, and since then only a Sheppard has ever run the business, and it’s still going strong. My Father forbade me from flying, if he hadn’t I would’ve been a good son and gone to Business School, picking up flying as a hobby. But because he pushed, and tried to force me to his will, I rebelled; I signed up for the Air Force and after graduation I packed a bag and left. I only went back recently for my Father’s funeral. My younger brother, David is the current CEO, and for a long time he resented me for leaving and forcing him to be the perfect Sheppard but since the funeral, things have been getting better between us. So that’s why I joined the Air Force.

I spent my leaves with one friend or another and then one day I met Nancy. We just clicked, and then almost a year later I asked her to marry me and finally I had a home again. Things were good between us, every now and then (especially when the news reported something bad happening to our side from the war zone) we would fight about me being in the Air Force, but we always smoothed things over afterwards. Eventually I had had enough of war and wanted to settle down properly, maybe even start a family. We talked about it; she seemed reluctant to start until I really was home permanently because she didn’t believe that I would truly leave the Air Force even though I promised her I would as soon as my tour ended. To me, everything was great, until I came home early and found her fucking her colleague on our dining table. I left, ended my leave early, and that’s when the problems started: I didn’t care about myself anymore and kept pushing the envelope when on missions, I even blatantly disregarded orders and received a black mark for my recklessness, I chose to end my tour early and my superiors accepted.

After returning home, the divorce was finalised (I didn't fight her for anything because I didn’t want a reminder of that life), so I roamed the country until one day I got a call from Lorne, Evan Lorne – the guy I spoke to at the airfield that day, with a job offer. I’ve been working at Woolsey’s ever since then, and now you know the story.

And now I’m off to get drunk!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys can follow who is sending what, it shouldn't be that difficult. I still have some things I have to learn about AO3 but I shall get there ^_^
> 
> Do you guys think I should time-stamp the emails?


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was too tired to read through it again so I apologise for any mistakes!

Ugh fine so you’re right about the social niceties thing, happy now? It’s just that Jeannie kinda drilled into me that it’s the polite thing to do, so I do it because she can be quite scary sometimes. Oh and Jeannie, she’s my younger sister, and before you get ideas she’s happily married to an English major, vegetarian hippie and they have a daughter named Madison. Can you believe she dropped out of university to marry him and be a ‘stay at home mom’ to her bastard child? I can understand that raising a child can be difficult but she gave up on being a Physicist! I mean, come on; making a contribution to Science is way more important that teaching a child to count, especially if that child was fortunate enough to get the McKay genius genes . . . unless she got Kaleb’s, then there’s no hope for her and Jeannie should’ve just given up without trying. Can you imagine if we’d worked together? The things the McKay Siblings could have accomplished despite the bickering of course. But no; “There are some things Mere; that are more important than science.” those were her exact words! What could be more important than Science for Pete’s sake?!?

Sorry bout that, it just makes my blood boil that she doesn’t do anything with her intelligence besides stupid ‘stay at home mom’ things, like what vegetables to buy for supper tonight.  
Anyway, my parents were never proud of me, it’s more like they resented me because my genius made it impossible for me to ever be normal, and they had to cater to my ever increasing, expensive needs! So the minute I was old enough, and could support myself, I left and haven’t been back since.

Oh my God! You researched my name? I don’t know what ti say to that, well actually I do bit I don’t think I should. It’s been some time since I had a friend and I rather enjoy your company so I don’t want to d or say something to chase you away. That being said, feel free to call me Meredith whenever you want John.

How are you not an ice statue yet? I spent some time in Russia and believe me when I say that I know how cold snow can be. Brr just thinking about it makes me shiver. I’ve decided you’re in Skien, Norway and your client is a bored rich boy who wants to see the World Curling Tournament live.  
I am Doctor Doctor (Professor) Meredith Rodney McKay and therefore would never be caught hacking because I would be so good at it naturally.

How about you come over to my place John, and I’ll introduce you to Bose, then you can give her your gift yourself?

My students would absolutely hate me if I did that to them! And that is exactly why I am going to do it. Thanks for the suggestion!

So I guess you decided to ignore my question about the Air Force huh, that’s okay I’ll get it out of you eventually because you promised.

\---

Oh! You actually responded about the Air Force. Oh wow! I think I need to read that again.

First off, you ex-wife is a bitch and I’m glad you found out about her cheating on you than having her pretend she loves you. And what if you hadn’t found out, and you returned home permanently and eventually started a family? Good God I would hope she’d come clean and tell you the truth or broken it off with the arsehole, not told you but then never cheated on you again! God what a mess. I am so sorry you had to go through that and then have it affect you military career so badly you had to quit. And as much as I don’t know about you, I know how much you love flying and it’s not just the flying; I saw the way your eyes lit up every time you ‘introduced’ me to one of your Dames. You were like a child in a candy store who was told they could eat everything in it.

Growing up, I thought I was born under a grey cloud because it sucked being too brilliant for everyone and thing around you. But for you to have gone through that not just once but twice, having your family the people you love let you down like that . . . . it must have nearly crushed you. I’ve watched you with other people, even strangers matter to you, so to have your own people do that. Me, it would’ve been like water off a duck’s back; I don’t care what people think or say about me, I do things how I want to because that’s how it should be done. I’m a genius, so people should care what I have to say right? Right! But the woman that mattered, she didn’t agree, so because of Major Samantha Carter, I lost credibility and got sent off to freeze my nuts off.

But yes, your Dad was an arsehole; not sad he’s one but glad you were strong enough to take what you wanted and leave. Jeannie and I were on the outs because I yelled at here about the unplanned pregnancy but now things are better and I’m an Uncle. So, I’m glad you made up with your brother, even if he was an idiot for blaming you for being weak.

Okay bye John, I’ma go sleep now!

\---

Rodney, are you okay buddy? Because your second email doesn’t sound like it. If you’re not looking after yourself properly, I’m gonna tell your sister as soon as I find a way to contact her. Or better yet, I’ll send a doctor around to your apartment and have him check you out. Sleep, food (proper food!) and fresh air (outside of your apartment building and I don’t mean through a window!) is the proper way to take care of yourself.

So we both had pretty crappy moments in our lives; I only really started hating my Father when he started frowning down on my desire to fly and wanted to stop me from doing it but otherwise, I had a great childhood. What I’m trying to say is that, despite the crappy moments, our lives are pretty good now right? I know mine is; I love my job, I get to fly and visit different places, I’ve got a nice house and despite it being too big for one person it doesn’t feel empty or lonely, and I’ve got friends, both the people I work with and you Mer :)  
Is your life better now? After what happened to change you from the man on the cover of his own book, to the man you are now? I have a feeling that whatever happened is what you mentioned (Major Samantha Carter and Russia?) and since I told you my sob story, it’s only fair you tell me yours.

I’m even more interested in meeting your sister now after you confessed to being afraid of her. Where does she live? Maybe we could go on a road trip the next time you have a long enough vacation.

Brilliant or not, you can still make a mistake Rodney.  
The weather is nice quite nice this time of year in Skien, and just this morning my client gave me a ring and asked if I’d like to accompany him to the Curling Finals. Apparently he can’t find arm candy hot enough in this city, and if you’re a rich playboy it’s expected of you to show up to an event like this with a babe on your arm!

Since I helped you out with your Professor work, how about when I visit, you cook me dinner? Dessert included!

\---

Oh my god I’m so sorry for that! Most of that email makes no sense at all.

I guess I was so tired my brain got all befuddled; well, I’m rested now.

\---

Believe me I know all about mistakes John.

Ultimately you chose to share your story with me, and I’m choosing not to share mine with you.

My sister and her family live in Canada; pretty sure none of my vacations are long enough to cover a road trip there and back.

If you’ll excuse me, I have a theorem to work on.

\---

I’m sorry Rodney; clearly you’re still bothered by what ever happened, so I understand your reluctance to talk about it. Just know that it helps to share a burden.

Maybe I could fly us to Canada, pop in unexpectedly? I’m sure your niece would love to see her Uncle Mer!

Take care of yourself buddy, and don’t work too hard.

\---

Rodney? Hey buddy, everything okay your side? It’s been several days and you haven’t responded to my email.

Anyway, though I’d let you know I’m gonna be back by Friday morning. Do you wanna do something on Saturday? I’m only due back to work Monday morning; gonna spend the week doing helicopter tours, so if you’re busy Saturday we could do lunch or dinner some night during the week if you want?

I’m sorry for stirring up unpleasant memories buddy, I can tell that whatever happened hurt but if you could just respond, even if it’s just a blank email, I’ll know you haven’t collapsed and died in your apartment with Bose mourning over you!

\---

Really John; what would I possibly collapse and die of?

How’d you know about my book anyway? I don’t think they’d put that on the university’s website. Anyway, I guess it doesn’t matter really, I was a different person then, Jeannie says I’m better now.

I’d really appreciate being able to visit them and not have to deal with commercial airlines and their mediocre service. I’d gladly introduce you to my sister if you could organise that.

What do you have in mind for Saturday?

\---

Someone could have mailed you some kind of virus; you could’ve had a heart attack; or any number of mundane things which kill people suddenly without warning!

We could go to the Amusement Park? Even if it’s just to ride on the Ferris Wheel several times!

If we did fly to Canada, we’d have to stay a weekend at most. We could leave the Friday and return the Monday, thereby spending two days with your family? I’d have to speak to my boss though it shouldn’t be that much of a problem!

Gotta go! I’ve got some packing to do.

\---

I doubt people really mail viruses in real life; you watch too much television!

An amusement park; really John how old are you? They have really good food, so sure we can do that.

I don’t have a problem paying for the trip in full and hiring your services John; I’d rather not get you into trouble.

Safe travels and see you Saturday!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I managed to write the story finished but I've rediscovered my obsession for Mass Effect and have been indulging in it; can you blame me, Kaidan Alenko is beyond delicious! And of course there's space and space ships (love love love the Normandy, either SR's) and aliens and running around shooting things and the tugging at my emotional strings!!!
> 
> Anyway, I'm taking my time typing out the rest of the story because when I wrote it I was emotionally compromised and want to make sure it doesn't come out too sappy or something. But rest assured, soon you shall have the rest of it!

When John finally arrives home, late Friday evening due to their flight being delayed because of a snow storm, there is an email waiting for him.

\---

_So we never decided where and when we would meet on Saturday…_

_And also, I’ve never wanted to tell anyone the story of what happened to me as badly as I want to tell you, so here goes._

_A few years ago I was approached by NASA to join a group of the world’s leading scientists in trying to rescue one of their men on the International Space Station without causing extra damage to it after an accident occurred. We were given full access to everything and told we had a certain amount of time before he ran out of oxygen; it was the opportunity of a lifetime, a chance for me to outshine the others and become world renowned! And I was determined that no matter what, I would come up with a viable solution way before the others!_

_That was also when I met Samantha Carter, a Major with the Air Force, a beautiful blonde intelligent woman, whom I clashed with frequently; it was like a scientific mating ritual, at least for me. She had insisted we go over each other’s solutions before we presented them to NASA’s people; eventually stating that mine would not work, not that I paid heed to what she had to say. I gave hers a cursory glance because I was confident that my solution would not only work but was also the better of the two; I even told them it was a waste of time trying to understand hers because they could be saving their man. Because I was louder and more emphatic, they went with my solution and the guy died, lost to space, and more damage was caused to the Station. I was so sure my plan would work, so sure I couldn’t fail; I hadn’t even looked at Carter’s solution properly because if I had, Dmitri Ryzansky would still be alive today, probably, his career choice was fraught with dangerous situations._

_I was cocky and arrogant and convinced I could never be wrong, and I killed a man because of it. At the time I was working for the American government, so they gave me to the Russians to help smooth things over and try to make up for their man dying. That was the worst experience of my life; everyone there knew I was to blame for Ryzansky’s death, I can’t say I was treated badly, they just ignored my very existence. The only person to speak to me was my supervisor and that was only to give instructions. It was so bloody cold the water had to thawed before we could do anything with it which meant I didn’t have a steady supply of coffee, which coupled with the lack of interactions with other people slowly drove me to having conversations with myself, I once even had a heated debate about how they could properly heat the place so we wouldn’t have the frozen water problem. Eventually they gave me back, the US government deemed my contract with them complete and I was let go._

_For my next employment, I wanted somewhere warm and to be surrounded by people who spoke English and would speak to me. The university was one of the first places to get back to me and I immediately said yes; I’ve been here ever since, teaching Advanced Mathematics to morons while trying to finish my theorem._

_So you’re right, I am a different man from the one of the cover on that book, Russia and what came before broke me, but Jeannie assures me I’m a better person because of what happened, and that means more to me than I would’ve thought._

_So yeah, that’s my story._

\---

More than anything John wanted to call Rodney to assure him that shit happens, but they had not exchanged contact details, and the university’s website only gave email addresses for their staff. So instead he fired off a quick response asking Rodney to meet him for lunch and together they would go to the Amusement Park in his car.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really struggled with this, lemme know what you guys think about how it turned out. 
> 
> Thanks! <3


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the next bit! I'm too tired to care about mistakes, I should probably get a beta but as long as its readable its all good I suppose!
> 
> Enjoy, lemme know what you think and thanks for the love! <3

They meet for an early lunch at the café opposite the airfield as agreed via email before heading to the Amusement Park; on the way there John manages to get Rodney to agree to go on each and every ride at least once. Hours, and lots of fun later (mostly John’s), they head towards the stalls with Rodney complaining that his blood sugar levels are critically low and in need of replenishing, and replenish he does. John is convinced he ate one of everything edible that was for sale! It turned out to be a good day; especially the weather, warm with a slight breeze and clear skies. Because Rodney was such a good boy by going on all the rides with him, John promised no more except for the sunset Ferris Wheel ride which meant they had time to kill; time they spent browsing through the other stalls, all the while chatting.

When it was finally time to head towards the Ferris Wheel, Rodney had an urgent need for the men’s room. John stood outside the building, watching the people as they went by when a hand grabbed him by the shoulder and spun him around, before hauling him into a tight embrace.

“God John, it’s been ages since I last saw you,” the other man said happily, turning his face into my neck and breathing in deeply, “and you still smell exactly the same!”

“Cam!” He exclaimed, wrapping his arms around his old buddy and hugging him back, “It’s so great to see you too! What exactly are you doing here though? If I remember correctly, amusement parks were never your thing.” Releasing the hold they had on one another, they stepped apart.

Cam ducked his head sheepishly, and John couldn’t help but compare it to Rodney’s. “The woman I’m dating has a daughter, figured this place would be a good way for us to have fun together.”

John threw his head back and laughed, “You mean you’re trying to get a little girl to actually like you?”

“Yeah yeah whatever; God I’ve missed you!” With that said, he took John’s face in his hands and hauled him closer before bringing their lips together and kissing him breathless, pulling away far enough to say, “We should get together one weekend, it’s been way too long buddy and we have a lot of catching up to do. You’re feeling softer around the middle for one!”

“Hey!” John shoved him away playfully, “I am still in excellent condition.”

“Well,” Cameron murmured huskily, as he stepped closer to nuzzle at John’s throat, “you’re gonna have to prove that to me I guess.” Sighing sadly, he stepped away again, “They're waiting for me at the car, so I gotta go.”

“I’ll call you and we can discuss it.” John says as the other man stepped back, nodding.

“Sure, we can do that. See ya around John!” Cam winked before turning and jogging off into the crowd and John found himself watching the other man as he disappeared, seriously contemplating the offer he’d been made.

\---

Rodney had come back from the men’s room quiet and subdued, and no matter what or how many times John asked, he kept insisting he was fine, so John let him be. It made the ride uncomfortable but still bearable, until Rodney spoke.

“Is that what you want from me?” He sounded confused, hurt and a little angry.

“Huh,” John responded, brows furrowed as he turned to look at Rodney confusedly, “What are you talking about Rodney?”

“I saw you . . . earlier; with that guy. Is that what you want from me? Because I’m not like that! Gay. Not that I have anything against it or anything; Canada’s actually better at it that America. But that’s beside the point, which is that I like women! Preferably women with blonde hair, the shorter the better, and blue eyes and big breasts! I’ve never even looked at another man like that before, let alone-” The longer he spoke, the more worked up he became which resulted in him speaking faster and using his hands more frequently as he gestured.

“Rodney!” John had finally had enough of the other man’s ranting, no matter how fascinating it was to watch it as he slowly built up steam and talked faster and yet still comprehendingly, than anybody else he knew. “All I want from you I already have; your friendship. Unless I can’t even have that anymore…”

“Of course we’re still friends! I just . . . I’ve never had a guy show interest in me and I wasn’t sure if that was what you were doing because every time we’ve done something it’s been because you’ve asked me and what if all this time you were trying to woo me and I didn’t know and by saying yes I was leading you on! I wouldn’t want to do that to you because you’re really the only friend I actually have and I don’t want to screw everything up again. So I’m sorry for asking you that and making things weird. Why didn’t you just tell me?” Rodney managed to look both offended and suspicious at the same time.

“Because it’s really easy to slip ‘Oh and by the way I’m a homosexual!’ into a conversation about advanced maths or emails about how we’ve screwed up our lives!”

“You’re gay?!? I thought you’d be bisexual since you were married and all. Oh my god, don’t tell me she put you off women altogether?”

“No, nothing like that Rodney; I just prefer men to women almost all of the time; it’s why my marriage never felt right in the first place. I’m sorry I never told you sooner, I wasn’t really sure how you’d take it, and I like being friends with you.”

Rodney didn’t respond, just smiled happily at me, his eyes twinkling before he turned to look out at the sunset colours of the sky. Afterwards I dropped Rodney off at his apartment and was finally introduced to Boson, a lovely tabby molly, who absolutely adored her abacus-shaped scratching post. For Rodney, as a joke, I bought a snow globe (he was not amused) as well as a new state of the art hybrid tablet PC (which he loved and immediately started using). After a cup of tea, watching master and pet enjoy their gifts, I then headed home.

\---

A few days later, John convinced Rodney to have lunch with him under a tree outside Rodney’s building on the university’s campus, and they spent the entire time chatting about all sorts of things. Until the ringing of John's mobile interrupted dessert, being the polite guy that he was, John moved off to answer the call from his boss, Richard Woolsey. When he turned back to share the bad news, it was to find Rodney red in the face, eyes blown wide, hands scrabbling at his throat, fighting his own body in order to breath. Rushing towards the flailing scientist, he yelled at anybody within earshot to please get help and quickly.

“Rodney, I need you to try to stay calm buddy. I know you can’t breathe and it’s scary but you need to at least try to calm down. Please, for me!” Kneeling at his side John didn’t know what to do and the fear in the other man's eyes scared him; so he eased himself down behind him. Leaning back against the tree, he wrapped his arms around his friend and pulled him back against his chest, one hand resting over the racing heart while the other rubbed soothing circles over his tummy. “Please calm yourself Mer, I need you to calm down and try to breathe shallow breaths. Feel the way my chest is moving? Try to copy me, breath with me; I know you can do this Meredith.” John wasn’t sure if what he was saying was the right thing or not but it’s what he felt was right. So he continued to sit with his arms wrapped around his friend, eyes closed tight, and lips at Rodney’s right ear trying to calm him down, and silently praying that Rodney would survive, totally oblivious to their surroundings. After some minutes had passed, he could feel as Rodney started to calm down, his breaths coming easier and one of his hand's grabbing a hold of his; opening his eyes John blinked in surprise at the woman that was crouched beside them.

“Hi,” she smiled prettily while she took Rodney’s pulse, “I’m Doctor Jennifer Keller. How are you feeling sir?”

John felt the man in his arms shift and then realised he was still cradling his friend to him, squeezing the hand wrapped around his, he slowly let go and moved to crouch at Rodney’s other side.

“Uhh . . . feelin’ much better now thanks.” Rodney managed to say, though it came out hoarse.

John immediately relaxed and handed a bottle of water to his friend before turning his attention the lady doctor, hand extended. “John Sheppard, nice to meet you doc and thanks for saving Rodney.”

“Nice to meet you too John and I was just doing my job.” She was a very pretty young blonde doctor with blue eyes, mostly Rodney’s type then. “Now Mr Patient, that was a severe allergic reaction, do you know what caused it?”

Colour flooded Rodney’s face as he rubbed the back of his neck as he spoke, “I’m deathly allergic to citrus?”

“Dammit Rodney!” John exclaimed as he grabbed the container his dessert was in and opened it to find a piece missing. “You ate of my lemon cheesecake you greedy glutton! I can’t believe you ate something when you didn’t know what it was and you have food allergies!” John glared at his friend, feeling bad for not knowing he was allergic to something but not willing to show it.

“Oh. I didn’t recognise it and it didn’t smell like anything so I thought it was safe. Didn’t I tell you about my allergy?” Rodney was using his big innocent eyes on him but he refused to let it affect him!

“No, you didn’t! Now maybe next time you’ll think twice before stealing half of someone’s delicious, harmless to humans, dessert!” John continued to pin Rodney with a glare while the other man stammered in upset.

“Boys!” The shout from the smaller woman had them both jumping in shock, “Rodney, don’t you have an epipen in case of emergencies?”

Again Rodney looked embarrassed as he was forced to admit that it was in his work bag in his office, he hadn’t thought having lunch outside with John would prove dangerous and tried to insist it was John’s fault because he had insisted Rodney needed fresh air. The two friends continued glaring at each other wanting to continue their argument but didn’t want to be reprimanded by the doctor.

“You need to carry one on you at all times, I’d even suggest that your boyfriend has one as well.” John found himself gaping at the woman, she thought they were dating? Although given the picture they must have made when she came across them, John holding Rodney to his chest while whispering into his ear, it wasn’t too difficult a leap.

“No no no no! John is not my boyfriend! We’re just very good friends, right John?” And John felt the constriction of his chest at Rodney’s vehemence but plastered a smile on his face as he assured her of their friendship.

“Rodney, I gotta go; the phone call was from Woolsey, he needs me to take over Lorne’s trip that’s scheduled to leave tonight.”

“What? Why? And what about tomorrow night?”

“Lorne finally heard from Parrish, he’s contracted some kind of disease so they’re flying him home and Evan wants to be there when he lands. Why don’t you take Doctor Keller here to the restaurant to thank her for saving your life? Wouldn’t want a perfectly good reservation to go to waste!”

Rodney’s eyes widened at his suggestion and he slowly turned to look at the woman, eyes still wide. “Would that be okay Doctor? Allowing me to treat you to dinner as a thank you very much from the bottom of my heart for saving my life?”

“I . . . I can do dinner,” she said, smiling sweetly at Rodney, “you should probably call me Jennifer then.”

“Right!” John said as he clapped his hands together, “Now that that’s settled, I’ll be on my way. Rodney, take care of yourself please, you have a theorem to finish and Bose to look after so no dying. Doctor Keller, it’s been a pleasure.” He finished off with a _Ciao!_ , a small wave and a forced smile before he made his way to his car.

Once inside the vehicle, he allowed himself to sag into his seat and draw a few deep breaths with his eyes closed. Opening them, he was immediately drawn to where Rodney and Jennifer still sat, deep in a conversation they were clearly enjoying. And here, in the safety of his own car, he could finally acknowledge the fact that he had fallen in love with his best friend, a thought that had occurred to him when faced with the very real possibility of losing Rodney forever.

He was so totally screwed!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has been edited, I hope it makes better sense now.
> 
> Thanks to dana_san for pointing out that strangeness!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made changes to the previous chapter! All mistakes are my own!
> 
> I'm still not sure how I feel about this and the next chapter which I will hopefully put up tomorrow.

Over the next few days, they once again swopped emails; Rodney’s were full of information about Jenni (That’s what she prefers being called, isn’t that cute John!) like how she worked at a local hospital and she’d been meeting a friend for lunch that Tuesday, she lived with her father because he was her only family and he was frail, she absolutely loved Bose an had two cats of her own, also she was trying to get Rodney to eat healthier, she wanted him to join her in the morning jogging, and despite the fact that she practices ‘voodoo’ she was actually very intelligent and a bunch of other things John was just not interested in. He was, quite frankly, tired of Jenni and he’d only spent a few moments in her company and if they were now dating he would have to get used to hearing more about her, so he was not looking forward to getting home.

He got back late the next Monday and was looking forward to their scheduled Tuesday lunch, only to receive an email half an hour before he meant to leave stating that Rodney and Jenni decided they should have lunch together every Tuesday in honour of the day they met; it was enough to kill John’s appetite! But, Rodney had typed, John was welcome to lunch with him on any other day of the week.

Anger and hurt warred within, so he channelled that energy into Spring cleaning his house thoroughly. Eventually he responded to the mail informing Rodney that he’d get back to him about lunch and that he, Rodney, should enjoy his time with Jennifer! He thought about never having lunch with Rodney ever again but immediately dismissed that thought because he would miss his friend too much. However, he was not about to sit around and pine after someone he couldn’t have and so went in to work despite being given time off.

\---

The following week, really late on a Friday night, John was roused from a comfortable sleep by banging on his door. He snuggles in deeper when there were no sirens, or flashing lights, only the shouting of a drunk.

“John! John! I know you’re here! Open the door I wanna talk to you buddy!”

Disentangling himself from the bed’s other occupant, John made his way downstairs to open his front door and let his drunk best friend inside.

“John! Buddy it is so good to see you, you have been so scarce lately.” He cried happily as he stumbled into the house.

“Rodney,” John sighed, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes with the heels of his hands before closing the door, “what are you doing here? And why are you drunk?”

Rodney swayed a little as he turned to face John. “You’re a good friend John, I don’t deserve you; what with you’re crazy hair and dopy smile and twinkling eyes!” The other man grinned at John as he looked him up and down, and then just stared at him for a bit.

“Rodney? You okay there buddy?”

Heaving a great sigh, the scientist turned around and made his way to the sofa, dropping himself into it. “It’s Jennifer; she wants me to meet her father and ask him if I can date her. Can you believe she expects me to ask for permission to date her? Her dad’s probably like senile already and we’ve been seeing each other for some time and she’s stayed over at my place already! It’s not like we haven’t done anything.” Rodney paused and peered up at John’s face. “Whenever I mention her you get this look . . . why don’t you like her?”

John was taken aback by both the observation and question because he’d thought he’d hidden how he felt about the woman; even now he vehemently denied not liking her.

Rodney immediately shook his head no, “You’re lying John! Ever since I started dating her you’ve been avoiding me. Us! Jennifer and I, and you’re the reason we’re together in the first place!” And then his facial expression turned to one of surprise, “Oh my god! You want her for yourself! You didn’t expect us to hit it off at dinner and you were gonna come back from your trip and sweep her off her feet but then we did hit it off and now you can’t stand that she prefers me!”

Rodney was staring at him with wide blue eyes and his mouth hanging slightly open, John sighed again as he ran his fingers through his hair. “I already told you Rodney, I don’t like women.”

“No, you said you mostly prefer men! What if this is one of those not most times?"

“Fuck this!” John exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air as he stalked closer to Rodney, “I don’t like the way she treats you! There, you happy now? Will you just drop it and go sleep or something?”

Rodney narrowed his eyes at him, “There is nothing wrong with the way she treats me John.”

John scoffed at the other man’s claim; he couldn’t believe the usually astute man was so blind to her manipulations. Or was it that he was so desperate for someone to actually ‘love’ him? “You cannot be serious Rodney; she’s trying to change you Rodney! She’s got you living on salads and jogging and banned you from having tea or coffee; she practically threw out your entire wardrobe and bought you the latest fashions; she berates you, sometimes in front other people, when she thinks you’ve been rude; and she made you help your students with their assignments! Do you know what the hell all that adds up to Professor McKay? It adds up to her trying to change who you are! God, she even made you clean your apartment! How? How can you say there’s nothing wrong with the way she treats you?” It wasn’t till he was done that John realised he had been shouting at the top of his voice, and poking Rodney in the chest when he had stood; the other man was now staring at the floor, his shoulders slumped.

“John? Is everything okay here?” He had actually forgotten there was another person in the house.

“Cam, I’m sorry if we woke you. Rodney and I were just . . . discussing some things.” Rodney stood staring at Cameron.

“I should go.” He muttered voice sad and resigned. “I shouldn’t have disturbed you John, thanks for your honesty.” And before John could offer to call a cab, Rodney was already out of the front door.

“So, that was him. Professor Meredith McKay?”

John shot him a look, but Cam just smirked. “Yeah, that was him.”

“He must be really special if you prefer him to me.” The look turned into a glare, John no longer having the energy to respond. Cameron flashed a grin at him before stepping towards John and pulling him into an embrace. “I’m sorry he doesn’t have enough sense to love you back John.” And for a second time that night, John buried his face in Cam’s neck and cried.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The final chapter! ^_^ Finally...

Two weeks went by and the only communication between them was three of the shortest emails ever:

_Rodney: I ended things with Jennifer._

_Sheppard: Why?_

_Rodney:You were right John._

\---

John stepped into the café and his eyes immediately went to their table, surprised when he met familiar blue eyes; Rodney waved him over and indicated at the table to the coffees and doughnuts in front of him. As he approached, Rodney stood up to greet him.

“Hey John, I hope I’m not intruding. You probably have a busy schedule and I should probably just go.” He turned away, already reaching for his jacket, and for a moment John could not find his words. Seeing Rodney again, the other man looking sad and hunched in on himself just like he did on the day they met; mouth twisted as if he had tasted something unpleasant . . . all he wanted to do was reach out and pull him to his chest in a tight embrace.

“Don’t go Rodney,” and he allowed himself to touch, reaching out a hand to grab his friend’s arm to still his movements. “My flight isn’t for another hour and a half.” After releasing the hold, he stood watching as Rodney removed his jacket and slung it over the back of his chair. And for a moment they stood there, awkwardly, before the scientist waved a hand indicating the seat across from him, and together they sat down. John immediately began fiddling with the coffee cup nearest to him.

“I got our usuals, though you’re probably going to want more because it is your lunch time.”

“This is fine, thank you Rodney.” John has hardly eaten anything since that night; just enough so that he wouldn’t collapse while working but no one needed to know that.

“I’m sorry about that night,” Rodney started, eyes on his hands as he started to break his doughnut into little pieces, “I shouldn’t have gotten drunk, heaven knows how many brain cells I lost because of it. But I did, and I behaved deplorably, and probably spoiled your night. You will apologise to your . . . ‘friend’ for me?” he asked quietly as he peered at John from the corners of his eyes, mouth tilted sadly.

“You don’t have anything to apologise for Rodney. We’re friends and should be able to talk about any problems, relationship or otherwise, we might be having with each other.” John sipped on his coffee knowing he had to continue but not wanting to say words he didn’t believe. “I’m sorry I let how I felt about Jennifer affect our friendship; it was wrong, I should’ve just told you.” They were both quite, John forcing himself to eat his doughnut while Rodney arranged the pieces of his into shapes; the air still uncomfortable between them.

“So uhh, how long have you and . . . ‘Cam’ been dating?” Rodney shifted in his seat, obviously uncomfortable.

“We’re not dating.” It was never like that between them, and now that John could accept that he loved the man sitting opposite him, it could never be like it was before either. Not with Cam, or any of the other men John spent time with.

“Oh.” For a second Rodney continued with his strange art, then suddenly his head jerked up, eyes wide. “Oh! Oh okay then.” Rodney’s mouth twisted and John had no idea what that one meant, wasn’t given the chance to decipher it because the other man had bent to concentrate on his art again.

“It’s not like that Rodney, Cameron is dating someone and she’s good for him. I just . . . needed a friend, and he was there for me.”

“You needed a friend? And you called him!” Rodney was glaring at him now, “Whereas when I needed a friend, I came to **you**!” Neither of them pointed out the fact that Rodney did not have any other friends he could have gone to.

“I needed a friend other than you Rodney!”

“What? But why? Is it the gay thing? Because I might not know anything but I’d at least be willing to listen to you! Or was it the Jennifer thing? Because that’s the type of thing you as a friend-”

“No. No it wasn’t that!”

“Then what? What is there you can’t talk to me about?”

“I needed a friend **because** of you!” John suddenly realised that they were both standing; him leaning his weight on the table where he gripped it while Rodney stood with his arms crossed, and from the way they were both panting, they must have been yelling at each other. Looking around he saw that everyone was staring at them.

“I think we should get outta here Rodney.” He said softly, as he stood upright and straitened his clothes.

“Good idea!” The other man muttered before grabbing his jacket and coffee, and then they rushed from the shop; catching Rodney’s eye, he grinned and suddenly they were both laughing. Movement, and his name being shouted, caught his attention and he turned to see Lorne standing in the doorway to the airfield’s reception area. The other man was grinning as he pointed at the watch on his wrist, glancing at his own, John realised he was late.

“I have to go Rodney; I forgot the client was coming in early to meet me before the flight.”

“Can we have dinner together, tonight?”

“I’m sorry but I’ll be gone overnight. How about you come over tomorrow night and I’ll make us something?”

“Sure, is seven too early?”

“No, seven’s fine. I’ll email you if anything changes okay? But now I really gotta go!”

“Bye John!” Rodney shouted as he dashed across the street, waving his coffee cup, “Safe travels!”

\---

John’s original plan was to cook something for them but the thought of the two of them sitting at his kitchen table, sharing a meal that he had made for them, was too much of what he really wanted. So he called in their pizza order, and waited nervously for the other man to show up. Not too long later there was a knock at his front door, a knock which he recognised as belonging to Rodney, and he happily opened the door to let him in, only to find himself staring. Rodney was wearing jeans which hugged his thighs the way John wanted to, a dark blue shirt and a leather jacket; he was also cleanly shaven and even his hair looked different.

“Hey John,” he greeted with a tiny wave and a shy smile. “You gonna let me in?”

“Oh, yeah sure come on in!” John managed to stammer out, still unable to not look at the other man. “You’re wearing jeans?” John winced internally at his own question as his mouth got the better of his brain.

“Yeah,” and there was that shy smile again, “It’s one of the few changes Jennifer made that I actually like.” He was frowning now as his gaze darted from John’s face down to his own jeans. “Is there something wrong John?”

“No, no, nothing wrong,” and he actually managed to smile at his friend. “It’s just a little strange is all; guess I’ll have to get used to it.” Almost immediately Rodney’s face fell but before John could ask why, the doorbell rang.

~~~

After paying the delivery guy they moved to sit on the sofa to eat; John having gotten them beers and putting the television on.

“I saw Jennifer earlier today.”

“Did something happen?”

“Yeah, she wanted to know why I really ended things with her and so I told her everything you said about how she was trying to change me. Her response was that everyone could do with a little improvement, although I needed a major adjustment.”

“That bitch!” John couldn’t help himself as he jumped to his feet, “There is nothing, absolutely **nothing** wrong with who you are Rodney! You’re brilliant and funny, a good guy, a great friend, fucking adorable sometimes and goddamn sexy right now in that jeans! If I could have you Rodney, I would fucking cherish you!” Staring up into wide blue eyes, John realised he had dropped to his knees in front of Rodney and taken the other man’s hands in his own. ‘ _Oh my God! What the fuck am I doing?’_ Stumbling to his feet, John rushed out of the room into the kitchen and out into the backyard, on the verge of hyperventilating.

“John?” _‘Oh God, he’s followed me!’_ “John please,” Rodney said again, a hand landing on his shoulder. “I need you to look at me.” John squeezed his eyes shut and turned his head away. “What if . . . what if you **could** have me?” The other man said tentatively as he leaned his forehead onto the hand that was now gripping John’s shoulder.

“I love you Rodney, more than Nancy or anyone else . . . but I’m not what you want! And I don’t think we can continue being friends anymore because I’m never not going to want more with you and that’s unfair.” Moving away from him, John squared his shoulders and schooled his features before turning around to face the other man. “You need to leave now Rodney and just forget about me.”

“No!” Rodney crossed his arms and tilted his chin up, his mouth in a tight line. “At the carnival, when I saw you with Cameron I was so angry and I figured it was because you’d kept the gay thing secret, now I know it’s because he kissed you right there in front of everyone as if it were his right! And the day we met Jennifer, when you held me I felt safe and wanted but then you moved away and it was . . . I don’t even remember properly but I know I wanted you to hold me again! Not to mention the arousal coursing through me because you had me plastered against you and you were practically nuzzling me, breathing onto my ear like that. The whole thing scared me because I had never reacted like that to another man before; ‘I’m not gay’ I kept telling myself and blamed it on the situation. I practically threw myself at Jennifer because she is what I’m supposed to want, hoping to forget what I felt for you at that moment. But then I came here that night, drunk until the moment Cameron came into the room; seeing him so comfortable in your space like he belonged, the both of you in boxers, hair in every direction . . . I was so angry and jealous and for the first time ever I wanted to physically assault someone! Thinking you had Cam in your bed and heart, I couldn’t fathom why you would ever want me in your life and so I tried to stay away. We both know how long that lasted and I’m glad for my weakness because now I know you love me and we have a chance to be together.” Rodney was grinning now, and made to step closer but John brought his hands up to stop him.

“Rodney you don’t know what you’re saying! You’re not gay! This is just . . . friendship gone too far!”

“So you can love me but I can’t want you? What the hell is your problem Sheppard? Is this what they’ve done to you? Made you feel unworthy of love and affection! Oh John...” And just like that Rodney’s demeanour changed and he was pulling John to him, arms wrapped tight around his chest, head tucked under his chin, hands gripping his shirt, and slowly John felt himself relax. Hesitantly he brought his hands up, one buried in Rodney’s hair while the other clutched his shirt at his lower back.

“I don’t know how to do this John!”

“Neither do I.”

“But-“

“Just fucks Rodney,” John was glad Rodney couldn’t see the uncomfortable look on his face. “Never wanted to wake up every day with the same person before.” John could feel the heat of embarrassment tint his cheeks as Rodney pulled away to gape at him, and then his expression softened and he leaned forward to press his lips against John’s, not moving. He smiled at how shy the other man was being and then tilted his head for a better angle before pressing soft kisses to his gorgeous mouth. He felt as the other’s mouth stretched into a quick smile before he started returning the soft kisses. Eventually they stopped kissing but remained in each other’s space, sharing breaths.

“One day at a time?” Rodney asked, eyebrow lifting, eyes twinkling happily.

John nodded, returning the smile before pulling Rodney closer and tucking his head under his chin, nuzzling at his hair. “One day at a time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think of it!
> 
> Thanks for readin <3

**Author's Note:**

> I've already finished the second chapter but will only post it tomorrow, hopefully I will continue writing. As I said, I have no clue where this story is going and I hope to keep it that way. When I plan ahead I finish the story in my head and then never get round to writing it down so that I may share the complete thing with peoples!
> 
> Hope you enjoyed, drop me a line to let me know. Thanks! <3


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